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Copyright 2002 Kevin Stacey. All rights reserved. ================================================ In this issue: 1. Monthly Article: Getting ahead of yourself. 2. The reader’s write: Sudden wake-up calls 3. About the author. 4. Privacy statement. 5. Subscription information. ================================================ 1. Getting ahead of yourself. Getting ahead of yourself and letting concern for your tomorrow’s diminish the strength of your today’s is a sure way to lose our peace of mind. It not only makes you feel anxious, but also causes you to not live fully in the moment. Why is it important to live fully in the moment? If you think of it, what percentage of people, on the morning of the last day of their life, know that it’s going to be their last day? Since we don’t know how many moments we have left, one of the most important things in all of our lives has got to be our peace of mind and the ability to be present in the moments of our lives. Certainly there are other things that are important as well, such as relationships and loved ones. But, if you don’t have peace of mind, even when you’re with your loved ones you’re not really there. Physically you’re there, but you’re really somewhere else. You’re "in your head" which causes you to not notice the little things that make life worth living. The way we stop getting ahead of ourselves is, first of all, to remind ourselves that we are in charge over what goes on inside of our own heads. If we’re not, then who or what is? The fact is that we think around 50,000 thoughts a day. All kinds of various thoughts pop into our heads, some of which are illogical, some downright outrageous. That’s just part of the human experience. It’s not so important what thoughts pop up on the screen of our consciousness, but it’s imperative that we carefully select which ones we give our attention to and dwell on. We sometimes forget that just because we think something doesn’t mean that we are under some kind of obligation to analyze it! Then we must become a vigilant watcher of our thoughts and simply make a decision to not let yourself get caught up in unproductive trains of thought. You have to make a firm commitment to yourself and simply refuse to "go there." The best thing to do is to counter the thoughts and say something back to yourself that minimizes their power and reminds you what it would cost you if you were to allow them to run rampant. Here are some thought counters I use: (I preface these with the word "CANCEL") · "I’m not going to go there." · "Why should I dwell in this?" · "Thinking this way only harms me by making me feel anxious, what good is it?" · "I’m not going to torture myself like that." · "Thinking that way is not going to do me any good right now." · "That’s enough!" · "I don’t deserve that." · "I’m not going to let this ruin today." · "I may of used to get caught up like that in the past, but not anymore." · "One day at a time." · "I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it." · "That situation may be true, but getting worked up over it right now is just not going to help anything." · "If I break this down into smaller parts and do a piece at a time, I’ll make steady progress." · "How do I know for sure?" · "What evidence do I have?" · "Maybe, maybe not." · "Perhaps." The mind is like an untrained puppy. You have to be gentle with it, but very firm. You don’t beat yourself up for starting to get ahead of yourself. But you just don’t allow it to go any further once you become aware of it. If it seems impossible to you, start off slowly by taking it in time segments. Say to yourself "just for the next hour." This gives you the confidence that you can do it and expand the time frames. This does get easier over time. After a while the mind seems to realize you’re not going to be tempted and stops trying so hard. This is an extremely rewarding skill to develop since it allows you to transcend your circumstances. To make the commitment to increase your mental toughness is the greatest self- improved endeavor you can partake in. How much will this improve the quality of your life? Immeasurable. ================================================= 2. The Reader’s write: sudden wake-up calls. Last month, following the sudden-wake-up call article, I asked the readers to share their experiences. Thank you to all whom shared, and here is a sampling: ------------------------------------------------- -From Sandy: My wake up call came just a few weeks ago. My daughter Susan and I were visiting my mother in Brooklyn. While my mother and I were talking in the kitchen, Susan ran upstairs and asked me for a dollar to buy ice cream. I gave her the money and she ran downstairs to the truck which was across the street. I few minutes later, I heard a car tire screeched. When I ran to the living room window, I was my daughter standing on the sidewalk frozen in her spot. I yelled out her name and she started to cry. I ran outside to see what was wrong and she ran upstairs crying. Instead of asking her "are you okay?", I said, "How could you just run across the street without looking for traffic?" She did not answer me and kept on crying. I stopped and hugged her. Then I asked her if she was okay and she said yes. Thinking back, I was scared for her. I felt sad because I knew she is my only child. Instead of being concerned about her state of mind at that time, I was more concerned about her absentmindedness. Today, as I reminisce about that day, I find myself talking to her, listening to her, kissing her, playing with her, going to church and loving her more. She's very precious to me. I now realize how empty my life would be without her. ------------------------------------------- From Sharon: You may not remember when we spoke, but my husband (52 yrs old) died of a massive heart attach 5 yrs ago (Sept 2, 1997), and my mom (76 yrs old) died 2 yrs ago (August 2, 2002) the same year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I am an only child and mom and I were extremely close-there is a real void in my heart with her absence-she was friend, guide, and soul-mate, and loved my unconditionally in my best and worst moments. My cancer was diagnosed as Stage 1, no chemo needed, just a lumpectomy and 33 treatments of radiation. Thank God, it was caught early, and I am doing great; having regular check-ups, and just appreciating each morning I wake up with health. I wake up and go to sleep each day thanking God for "each day". As you said, one day at a time. I ask God to help me face each day with the right attitude toward others and in all that I extend my hand to do, that I do it to the best of my ability and with the right motive. I try to live the Serenity Prayer and apply "accepting things I cannot change, changing those things I can, and having the ability to recognize the difference. I make a conscious effort not to get up-set and let external circumstances rob me of joy and faith in life-that is God's gift to us all. There is a time and purpose to everything under the sun. I lost my mom and husband, and now my son, grand-daughter and 2 great-grand-children are living with me. That will come to an end one day, as all stages of our lives do, and I will move on to another time that God has planned for me. --------------------------------------------------- From Julie: In response to your invitation to share my experience, I would like to share two wake-up calls and turning points I have had in my 48 years: * After looking for love in all the wrong places as an adolescent, I became involved with a boyfriend who abused me physically and emotionally. I learned that sex is not a toy, nor is it love, and happiness cannot be chased. * After recovering from breast cancer surgery, I learned that it is not the length of a life that is important, but it's quality and depth of love. My relationship with my husband, stepchildren, and family is stronger than ever. This wake up call also has ignited my campaign to find out what I really want to do with the rest of my life. Thank you for the opportunity to share. I really appreciate your newsletter; I also grew up with a manic-depressive parent and alcoholism. I value and appreciate your mission to improve the mental health of others. The quality of our thoughts is so important! Thank you! --------------------------------------------- From Barb Jones- an internet story that she ran across that I think is just excellent: Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or...you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or... I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life. "Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life." I reflected on what Michael said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it. Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or ...I could choose to die. I chose to live." "Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read, 'he's a dead man'." I knew I needed to take action. "What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. "Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity." Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead." Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything. "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. ================================================= 3. Kevin Stacey is a professional speaker/trainer who works
with organizations that want to enhance their bottom line by investing in their
most important resource, their people, through training -------------------------------------------------------------------- Contact Information: Kevin M. Stacey Trainright, Inc. 43 Kosta St. Worcester, MA 01607 1-800-603-7168 E-mail: Kevin@KevinStacey.com Web: www.KevinStacey.com or www.TrainRightInc.com -------------------------------------------------------------------- For a free consulting call to determine the most appropriate customized training program for your organization and its particular challenges, call 1-800-603-7168. -------------------------------------------------------------------- For an on-line demo video clip of Kevin in action, click here: http://www.kevinstacey.com/On-line%20demo%20video.htm -------------------------------------------------------------------- Click below for the curriculum/program highlights of Kevin’s http://www.kevinstacey.com/Programs.htm ================================================= 3. PRIVACY STATEMENT: Your name or e-mail address will never be distributed, sold, traded, or rented, to anyone without your permission. ================================================= 5. Subscription Information This newsletter is sent only to Subscribers. If your e-mail says "Newsletter Subscriber" in the "To" box, you are already a Subscriber and will receive this newsletter on a regular basis, on or around the 15th of every month. If someone forwarded this issue to you and you'd like to be added to the mailing list, simply click here and send this e-mail: mailto:Subscribe@KevinStacey.com No need to write anything else in body or subject line. To Unsubscribe and be removed from this newsletter mailing list, simply click here and send this e-mail: mailto:Unsubscribe@KevinStacey.com No need to write anything else in body or subject line. =========================================================== © Copyright 2002 Kevin Stacey/TrainRight, Inc. This newsletter and its content are proprietary products. All rights reserved. I encourage sharing this newsletter in whole if copyright and attribution are always included. |
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